Felicity, Serenity
by Cemetary Kitten
Summary: Elspeth has saved the world. But what has it cost her?


Felicity, Serenity

"Elspeth?"

The girl's smile had a vacant quality in it. Rushton paused, his expression let very little show, but something in her lack of response had disheartened him. The moment stretched awkwardly. Niether of them were really willing to say it aloud, what was running through his mind. After everything that had happened it seemed almost rude of him to ask so very much of her. But he knew that something was eating him alive, and that without a solid, concrete response from her...well, he didn't know what he'd do.

Elspeth was exhausted. Her eyes were red and sore, she'd not slept well. Since she'd returned there had been nothing but silence to greet her, and little to warm her up. Even Kella's careful ministrations had done nothing to dint the wall she'd felt building up. She remembered clearly stumbling through Obernewtyn's gates, into the arms of a coercer guilden who'd been watching. Patchily, she remembered fevered moments of wakefulness whilst she recovered from her ordeal, featuring the worried faces of people she cared about ; Rushton, his face as giving as a stone wall, but creased in a gentle frown. She had felt Kella's cool hands smoothing her hair back from her face, heard the pretty singing of the empath twins, Miky and Angina, late at night, and Matthew's accented voice mumbling things to Kella, as the Healer worked. Part of her knew she should feel some degree of happiness, some degree of triumph, at everything she'd achieved. She ought feel appreciative of Rushton's steady, unfaltering love. It seemed that nothing came for free, and even the battle she'd won for others as much as herself would cost her.

The machine that had caused the great white was no more. The quest that had ruled her life for so many years, through so many things, was over. The planet was safe, and ready; ready for people like Rushton to go out and begin to heal it, with their unyielding purpose and capacity to learn, and lead. With time, she knew, he would be able to reintegrate 'misfits' into society. His vision of the world seemed so inevitable. It was a wonderful achievement to have got this far, to have clawed their way further than just a continued survival, but to a chance to actually _live._ She knew it, but she could not feel it.

It was hardly like she could put it off much longer ; eventually, she would have to answer the question in his eyes. But what answer could she give? That what she'd been through had damaged her? That she was inable to return his feelings? Obernewtyn's Master, she knew, would take it all in his stride. All he was waiting for was her final word, and then he would do as people like him did ; move on. Probably, he would do better without her. Probably, he even knew that. But the part of her that was still emotion-bound felt the pure wretchedness of the situation ; when she had left, she had loved him. The truth of the matter was that it was now gone.

She'd never look at Rushton as anything more than the Master of Obernewtyn again.

And it was all because of Ariel.

His eyes, now, so hate-filled and despairing, were the ones that ghosted her dreams. More often than not it was him that was on her mind. Every single, malice-saturated thing he'd said to her came back and played as a broken record in her head, hypnotic. There were times when she found herself agreeing with him. She attempted, quite vehemently, to push such thoughts from her mind as quickly as possible, but their existence redefined her as nothing else had; that moment, as she'd watched him lain upon the desert ground at the side of the crater, something had happened. Ariel had always been beautiful, unnaturally so. He had the appearance of an angel, but had lacked a soul. In that moment as he'd lay dying, a whole new breath-taking beauty had crept into him ; it had made her lose her breath, it had broken her heart. Her anti-thesis had met her eyes, then, and held her gaze ; the intensity of the situation made her feel faint. Ariel had looked at her, and he had understood. Through her he had seen what she had been fighting for, had felt every emotion that he had denied himself, and known every good quality she had ever beheld. It had lasted a second, maybe less, that moment. Just as she realised that she would never have the same connection with another soul on the planet, the life, as glorious as it had seemed in that time, had faded from his eyes. Ariel was dead.

Since then, she had not been able to forget. And she knew that, just as she had given him the chance to look through her eyes at the planet, he had given her the chance to look at _his_ world. The despair it filled her with was immense. It showed in her eyes.

Rushton said her name again. This time, the question was muted. She steeled herself, and turned to face him.

"Rushton..." Her voice trailed away softly. She shook her head, "I'm sorry."

The man nodded, smiling wryly. He did not ask why, nor complain. He had seen it coming from the look in her eyes, and now it was said and done. Instead, he answered, "I know its not what you want right now, but there will always be a home for you here at Obernewtyn." And he had given her one last smile, before turning to wander away. There were things for him to put his mind to, people who needed his help. Elspeth knew he would be okay.

But would she?

She watched him leave, heading back to the main house. Even when she sensed another's approach, she took her time in acknowledging it. But Dameon understood. The blind empath knew her better than anyone else alive. He waited for her to recover herself, before saying softly, "Time heals all wounds, elf." His voice was angelic, and stayed with her, even as he had turned and left her to her thoughts.

In the end, Elspeth was alone. But she would manage just fine, she knew... in time.


End file.
